It feels like breaking up with somebody you loved, but you know love is not enough so there is no point in going further in the relationship.
It has been five years since I moved to London. I remember that evening very well, heavy backpack on my shoulders and being hosted by this guy I barely knew. On my first morning in London I ventured into town, Oxford Circus, and I remember it was a crisp September morning, with those funny clouds we like to Instagram.
I needed a change, I was stuck in a difficult situation and I wanted to explore the world but also I wanted to find myself. Or at least, find more about me.
I have been thinking in the past weeks at what I have accomplished in these five years and what this experience actually meant for me and I can’t seem the find the appropriate words.
London has been welcoming, it treated me with respect and gave me a home, therefore it will be forever home, doesn’t matter what. It also taught me what it means to be truly independent, to make sure I was enough for myself and to take good care of me. Because when you live in London you can feel lonely and to be fair, I have felt that way so many times that the temptation of moving back to Italy has been very strong in the past years.
There is definitely something special about London, though, and I think it’s the fact that it gives you infinite possibilities to do and be what you want.
London made me believe anything was possible and that I could do whatever I liked and, in fact, I did. From my catering shifts, to managing an Office… it’s been a hell of a ride!
Not to mention the incredible human beings I have met along the way… wonderful people, with big hearts, great stories and big dreams. You are all truly amazing and I am sure my London experience was that good also because of you all.
There were some bad sides as well: the tears, for being far away from your family and for leaving them all the time; the sadness of being lonely; the disappointment of not being able to see your friends at the weekend because the distances are too big and you just couldn’t be asked.
The weather and oh well, Brexit. That was just shocking and still doesn’t make any sense.
I know some things in life just end, it’s a cycle and it just goes on and on. You never know what’s going to happen next but you know that the only way to go forward is to accept the change.
Something like 9 years ago I was sitting in this bedroom in Germany writing about how sad I was that my Erasmus was ending but also knowing it was inevitable. Today I feel exactly the same way and I know for sure that the decision of moving back home is the right one, because I took it for the right reasons and at the right time for me.
If this decision will lead to a new job offer and a career prospective, that I don’t know but I hope so. For now, thought, this is what’s best for me.
I leave because, no matter how much I love you London, I can’t see myself growing old here.
A massive thank you goes to all the supporters from both Italy and London, that were there when I left, that I met along the way, that I will find again when I am back home. You have been absolutely amazing and I wouldn’t be where I am today without the contribution of you all.
You made me a better person.
And then a final thank you goes to you, London.
The new mayor says you’re “open” and I do agree. You are and I hope always will be open to people from all over the world because they make you who you are.
I wish many more people will have the chance to call you Home.
I am sure we will see each other again, the only difference will be that I will probably enjoy you more as a tourist.
Now a new chapter begins, I don’t know what it will bring but I am curious to find you.
Bless you, London.